7 Deadly Sins Paper: Reflecting

    When reading "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at Church Bake Sale" I found it to be a humorous, and an easy to read piece. When drafting my paper I found it just as easy to write, the hardest part was the planning step where I developed my examples for the piece. After I had all seven deadly sin examples it was easy for me to put them together to create a story. Overall I did not find this seven deadly sins paper much of a challenge. While working on the draft I thought it was good, I liked how all of my examples worked well together, and how they were all realistic things that one might witness at a Yankees game. I realized that more detail might need to be added later, but the main examples and ideas in my opinion were solid. Upon reading through the draft yesterday I found what I thought I would find, a good thesis, introduction, and examples, but not enough specific details in a few of the examples. The only weaknesses I see now are the lack of some supporting details and more descriptions of the sins that occur during the game. My focus when revising my paper will be to add in more details to enhance my examples of sins at the baseball game. Also I will go through and correct my grammar and spelling mistakes. Through this paper I learned how to use exemplification in my writing by using examples of sins to work with my thesis.
    Revisions for my original draft of "All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Baseball Game" consist of adding details and specifics into some of my examples to enhance them and make them more interesting within the paper. Lust and Envy were the two examples I saw that needed the most detail added to enhance it. First I am going to add descriptions of people at the game when Jeter came out, and how over the top they were, descriptions of the people will help to make the example more clear and to get the picture of what it would be like to observe these people. Next I will add more to the lust example. I will describe in more detail the bat boy and compare him to Arod. Through his description it will emphasize why the boy wants so badly to be Arod. Other than this I think that my draft is good, and does not need any changes in the introduction or conclusion. Below is my original draft:
   
                                 All Seven Deadly Sins Committed at the Baseball Game

            I attended a baseball game at Yankees Stadium it was against the Red Sox so the stadium was at full capacity to see the two rivals go head to head. I was in section 209, and within this one view of the stadium alone I saw all seven deadly sins committed. Yankee Stadium holds over 50,000 people and if one row alone committed seven sins then thousands must have been committed during that single game.

            The first I witnessed was when the massive man in sitting in front of me returned from the snack bar. He had his arms filled with food, and not healthy food either, the greasiest and fattiest foods imaginable. He had fried dough in one hand, a corn dog in the other, a bag of cotton candy cradle in the nook of his arm, and an extra large soda in the nook of his other arm. With some difficulty he made his way into his seat, while temporarily blocking my view with his large figure. I could not help but to witness this obvious display of gluttony, as the man stuffed food into his mouth at a rate I did not think was humanly possible. He was done with all of his food in just a few short innings.

            During this grotesque display another sin had been committed. Derek Jeter, star Yankees captain and short stop walked confidently to his place on the field. As he did this two girls near me began to squeal and scream, they were totally out of control. They waved their giant sign that read I LOVE DEREK with pink hearts. They were overwhelmed with lust for Derek Jeter, and by the sounds coming from all around the stadium these two were not alone.

            As the game began I heard a loud noise in front of me, and I peered over the row. It was the large man who had since finished all his food, and had decided to take a nap. He was committing yet another sin as he snored away oblivious to the excitement surrounding him. His sloth did not go unnoticed as many avid fans glared at the sleeping man. He had come eaten and slept, all before even seeing the start of the game. I took my eyes of the man, and my attention went back to the action taking place on the field.

            Terry Francona, the Red Sox’ manager had stormed the field throwing his hat in the ground in a fit of rage. He was flailing his arms and arguing the call that ended the inning. His player had been called out stealing, and he obviously disagreed. He approached the umpire shouting things like, “Are you blind!?!” “What kind of umpire are you!?!” Everyone watched the manager as he continued with his display of wrath. Finally, the umpire made him cool down, by threatening to through him out. After this display the game continued on with no delay.

            In the fourth inning Alex Rodriguez, star third baseman for the Yankees made a remarkable diving catch to end the inning. From my view I could see the bat boy sitting outside the dugout staring at Alex Rodriguez. His stare was one of anger, and longing. He was obviously envious of Alex Rodriguez’s talent and charisma. I could tell he wanted more than anything to be just like him. The bat boy was over come with envy over everything Alex Rodriguez had that the he did not.

            Next inning David Ortiz, a Red Sox hitter, got up to the plate and immediately the infield and outfield moved back. Sure enough he hit a rocket it missed being a home run by a couple feet, and it bounced into the corner of the outfield. The Yankees were scrambling to get the ball in, and Ortiz was running to third. He looked and saw the ball coming in from the outfield, but he decided to go for home anyways. He dove into the plate, and was tagged out by the catcher. He went back to the bench, and I could see the coach scolding him for such a selfish move. It was obvious to everybody that Ortiz cost his team an out, and a possible run because of his greed on the bases.

            Towards the end of the game it was tied 2-2 and everyone was on the edge of their seats. The Red Sox hit a line drive and Brett Gardner started chasing it. He dove at the last second, and he made the play. The stadium burst it applause and cheers because that play could have saved the game for the Yankees. Gardner was clearly proud of himself as he bowed to the fans and did a victory dance for longer than was necessary. His pride for the play he had just made was evident from the way he responded to the crowds cheers.

            The game ended 3-2 Yankees, and everyone went home feeling great that The Yankees had beaten their rivals and usually toughest opponents the Boston Red Sox. In all this cheer and happiness nobody was at all concerned about the seven deadly sins that had been committed during the game. They were done right under everyone’s noses yet nobody seemed to care. I guess the seven deadly committed at the Yankee game were not as big of a deal as the victory they had all just witnessed. In this case the good out weighed the bad so the bad was simply forgotten.