7 Deadly Sins Searching for the Perfect Conclusion

    For my paper on the seven deadly sins I think my conclusion needs a little bit of work. The conclusion is suppose to restate the thesis of my paper, and conclude what I wanted to say within the paper. Because I feel my conclusion could be better, I have come up with two other conclusions that use two very different techniques to effectively sum up an exemplification paper.
My original conclusion:
    I attended a baseball game at Yankees Stadium it was against the Red Sox so the stadium was at full capacity to see the two rivals go head to head. I was in section 209, and within this one view of the stadium alone I saw all seven deadly sins committed. Yankee Stadium holds over 50,000 people and if one row alone committed seven sins then thousands must have been committed during that single game.

One conclusion technique is to mention the broader implications and the significance of the topic. This allows the reader to see how the paper applies to the world, and it helps them get a sense of the purpose of the paper overall.
    The Yankees defeated the Red Sox by one run, and everyone left Yankees Stadium excited, and in a good mood from the victory. Seven blatantly obvious sins were committed at the game but nobody noticed. This one event may be the same as everywhere else in today's society. People just simply do not care about committing the seven deadly sins anymore. They basically go unnoticed, and they are practiced by everyone everyday, and the baseball game I attended shows no different and therefore proves the theory.

-Another conclusion technique is using image or description to end the essay. This allows the reader to really get what you are saying through the detailed description you present. If the reader can see what you are talking about it helps them to understand what you are trying to get across more clearly.
    People happily swarmed out of the stadium, rushing to beat the traffic in the filled lots of the stadium. They left be hide wrappers, cans, and papers that now litter the previously filled stadium. The Yankees had defeated the Red Sox and the pumped up crowd had rushed out of the stadium. The sins that occurred during the game went unnoticed by the crowd, and they continued to happen, and probably will continue to happen in the future, but people do not seem to mind committing these supposedly deadly sins.
    I think that both of these conclusions are better than my original conclusion in summing up my paper, and in using techniques that keep interest. I like my second conclusion using description best, because the description lets the reader get an image in their head of teh empty stadium, and the feeling of the crowd as they left the game. It also emphasizes the fact that the sins committed were ignored, and the victory over The Red Sox was much more important. I like both of the new conclusions, and both could do a better job of concluding my paper than the original.