More Revisions for my Revised Character Sketch

    Out of all the papers left to reflect on I wanted you to look at my character sketch because I think that this paper is well written, and I spent more time on this paper then on others. This paper is about my dad, how he acts, what he looks like, and what makes him unique.
    I liked the way I wrote this paper, and I feel that is accurately represents my dad. Two of my favorite descriptions are "This particular baseball cap is old, tattered, sweat stained, and faded, but he does not care what it looks likes he still wears it proudly.", and  "The interior has a permanent smell of gasoline". These descriptions give a good sense of the kind of guy my dad is, and they give an image in my head of his favorite things his hat and his truck. I think my descriptions of my dad give a good mental picture of who he is as a person.
    I think that I could add more dialogue to enhance the description of my dad, but my feedback from others often suggested that the amount of dialogue was fine. Also my conclusion could be changed to add a better ending statement, because upon reviewing i am unsure about the statement,  "I have always been a daddy’s girl, he got me into softball, and he is the reason I have grown to love the Yankees. But he is much more than that he is a great father, and he would do anything to support our family." It sums up what I am trying to say, but it seems sort of impersonal and abrupt. These are some weaknesses I see in my paper, but I would like to know what you think. One thing I want to know is if you think the amount of dialogue is appropriate (should there be more?). Also does the paper easily followed, are any parts confusing or in need of a better transition?. And the last thing I want feed back on is if any elements of my dad are missing, like do I need more about his appearance, personality, or actions, do you get enough information from the paper? Other than these three things feel free to comment on anything you think needs to be tweaked.

          Past and Present

    “I remember playing baseball at that old field right over there for three or four hours almost everyday after school, until it started to get dark. Then I would race down the hill on my bike to make it home before curfew. I still remember the great sensation of flying down the steep hill, with the wind blowing through my hair, and feeling free.”

            My dad had gone off on one of his stories about his childhood, this was an often occurrence, usually he begins by talking about baseball. He was, and still is a great baseball player, and he does not let me forget it either. He is constantly reliving his glory days, his homeruns, his diving catches, and championship wins. He gave up his MLB dreams to have a family, and this was a great sacrifice. My dad was such a talented short stop that he got an offer to go to a major league tryout. In a way he still gets his baseball fix through me. He helps coach my travel team, and has made me a good short stop over many years of practicing in the backyard. He loves baseball, and he is not afraid to show it.

            Although my dad is not a player today he is an avid Yankees fan, and of course I followed in his footsteps. He shows his great devotion by wearing his Yankees hat. This particular baseball cap is old, tattered, sweat stained, and faded, but he does not care what it looks likes he still wears it proudly. He has that cap on almost every day, except for when he is at work; I’m sure he would wear it if it fit the dress code. Because of this, his chestnut brown hair is often plastered down on his head, with a bad case of hat hair, as it was the day we were driving.

            My dad’s reliving of his glory days began that day while we were driving in his suburban. This truck fits him like a glove; it is a deep maroon, and a giant vehicle. The interior has a permanent smell of gasoline, due to the constant presence of his lawnmower in the trunk, which he often uses for his side jobs. The smell is not a pleasant one, but in a way I have grown to accept it. If I did not smell gas in his truck I would feel I was in the wrong vehicle.

We were driving home from my softball game and passing by his old neighborhood. I was observing the scenery of the neighborhood, the nice but modest homes, with the baseball field down the street. I could picture my dad as a child doing everything he had described to me so many times. I looked up at my dad, and observed how he had changed with age. I had seen pictures of my dad as a kid, and in many ways he had not changed. He was fifty two at the time, but he often was told he looked like he was forty five. Every time my dad received this compliment he got a boost of confidence that made him light up.

            As I observed him I could see some signs of his age. Grey hairs on the sides of his head were slowly creeping up, taking over and replacing my dad’s dark brown hair. His reddish tan face had slight laugh lines, and crow’s feet emerging. These subtle clues alone revealed his age, that and his taste in music.

            “Blue Moon…” he broke through the silence with his strident voice singing a song I have heard him sing too many times to count. He had popped in his CD and turned it up, blasting music like a teenager would, but the music was definitely not what a teenager would listen to. I looked at him and could not help but smile, as I saw him singing, and dancing to music that I just did not understand at all. In many ways my dad is still stuck in the past.

            We pulled into the driveway, and I asked him a question that had popped in my head during the car ride. “Do you miss your childhood, and glory days of playing baseball?” 

            He paused, and lifted his old, tattered hat up by the rim, and gently placed it back down. “I do miss baseball and my youth; I can’t say that I don’t. But now I have a family and you guys mean much more to me then baseball does.”

            I looked at him, into his dark brown eyes, and I leaned over and kissed him on the cheek. I felt the coarse, thick stubble on his face, a result of not shaving in a few days. And with that I got out of the car, and walked inside.

            I have always been a daddy’s girl, he got me into softball, and he is the reason I have grown to love the Yankees. But he is much more than that he is a great father, and he would do anything to support our family.